“Trust your own instincts, go inside, follow your heart. Right from the start. go ahead and stand up for what you believe in. As I’ve learned, that’s the path to happiness.” ― Lesley Ann Warren
In late July 2019, I made the decision to leave a group-coaching program. It was a 6-month commitment that I chose to leave 3 months into it. Prior to this, I had invested in a 6-month individual coaching program with the leaders of this group.
The coaches questioned me wanting to understand why I was leaving. I didn’t have a good enough reason they could accept. I told them that it was simply a feeling I had.
In the end, they wished me well but they also believed that I was in resistance and was running away.
I told them that it didn’t feel like I was running away. I know that feeling rather well. This wasn’t it. If anything, it felt as though I was standing up for myself in a way that I’ve never done before. I also told them that after my conversations with them that I felt surprisingly empowered.
The old me would have kept quiet, avoided confrontation, waded it out for another 3 months and then tell them that I was not renewing. That would have been ‘easier’ and less uncomfortable.
But I knew that I had to speak up. I knew that I would be acting out of integrity with myself if I were to keep quiet. I would also be out of integrity with the other participants of the group by not showing up honestly.
What I’ve come to know is that…
Sometimes we need to do the things that make no sense to anyone else. And sometimes we must be willing to break our commitments to others (which for me was totally uncharacteristic) while staying fully committed to ourselves.
There’s always the possibility of loss.
For me, I’m risking the possibility of losing the relationships I developed over the last year. (Some of the people I felt a close connection to haven’t responded to my follow-up emails.) I no longer have access to the community of men I had engaged with regularly. It’s possible that I made the wrong decision and then what will others think of me?!
But there are always possibilities for gain too.
After making that decision to leave, my life has been flowing quite a bit differently. I certainly have more self-trust. I’ve gained self-confidence. I feel more at ease. And new opportunities are coming my way without me having to try to manifest them.
Making that decision to stand up for what felt true to me was not an easy thing to do. In my heart, it felt like the right thing. But if I got into my head too much, then I would come up with all the reasons why I shouldn’t and feel the corresponding contracting discomfort in my body.
I had help. I reached out to a friend who helped me get clear enough to make the decision for myself.
The other thing I’ve learned is that there are many paths to get to what you desire, but the most fulfilling one is your way – the one that honors and embraces all the unique facets of who you are.
One of the biggest reasons I joined that group coaching program was because I thought they had the way for me to more fully live my purpose and be a better leader. While I gained a lot, some things that were expressed did not resonate with me. They did not make room for all that I was and cared about.
In this way, they were a perfect match to what I was vibing – that in order for me to be successful I had to disregard the parts of myself that I judged as wrong.
The truth is that I’ve done this a thousand times before, believing that I was not enough or wrong and that these programs could ‘fix’ me.
Today, I am forever grateful for that experience because I honored myself by listening to that feeling and taking action on it. Life is unfolding differently because I’m showing up differently. And regardless of what is happening in my life, I’m feeling fulfilled and more at ease. This is a great thing!
Did you make an important decision recently that honored who you are in a big way? I’d love to hear more. Send me a message.