My wife and I are visiting our son, daughter-in-law, and 4-month old grandson, Boden. We’re helping to babysit as our daughter-in-law transitions back to working full-time.
It’s been a joy.
And… it’s been challenging. Disrupted sleep. A schedule different than what I’m used to. Trying to coordinate all four of our work schedules while all working in the same home. Using my energy differently.
(Big respect to all the working moms and dads with little ones!)
By day 3 I knew that I needed to increase my self-care. My conditioned tendency is to drop everything and be there for whoever needed me whenever they needed me.
This is the M.O. of the ‘Sacrificer’ and the ‘No-Needer’ – two of the five Conditional Receivers in the Unconditional Receiving framework I created. Sacrificers believe they are valuable and loved when they give in to others’ needs. They aren’t great with structure and boundaries, and believe that what they want is too much to ask for or they themselves are too much for others to handle. No-Needers believe that they are valuable and loved when they appear strong and put together. They have been conditioned to believe that having needs and being emotional are signs of weakness. They’re similar to the Lone Ranger, believing that they need to do everything on their own.
To know what would serve me best, I tuned into my Personal Avatars for ‘Authority’ and ‘Connection’, two of the 5 Unconditional Receiving Guiding Forces/States of Being and the counterparts to the Sacrificer and the No-Needer.
Being in a state of Authority is about structure, taking up space, having clear boundaries, being visible, taking a stand, being assertive, being fierce about who you are, being resilient, and declaring what’s true for you. ‘Connection’ is about being in your most optimal state and the actions needed to sustain this to be a partner with others. This includes being vulnerable, knowing your needs, asking for help and allowing others to support you.
How these Forces speak to you will depend on your Personal Avatars. That’s part of what we’d identify to support you in our work together.
For me, I’ve been doing the work of embodying my Personal Avatars for some time and knew what I needed. I doubled up on my meditation and qigong time. I also took walks by myself because I needed alone time. This was about Connection. I also asked my wife to take care of Boden in the morning until she started work at 12pm. This allowed me to engage with my business, marketing, etc. Then I took over until dinner time. Setting these boundaries was about Authority.
Living in this Unconditional Receiving way allows me to have what’s meaningful and make the impact desired without losing myself in the process.